Lonely Spo Cowboy
Loneliness makes life’s problems seem tragic. Yet there is nothing in the DSM IV (my psychiatric diagnostic manual) that takes in loneliness as a disorder or matter. Yet it is a common complaint. People come in to see me with all sorts of symptoms but more often than not isolation is a big part of it.
I now live in Arizona where the majority of people seem to come from somewhere else. Lots of patients feel ‘cut off’ and ‘new’ and don’t know anyone. Their family, friends etc are back east or in California or Mexico. They don’t have any idea how to alleviate their loneliness. Then there are the lonely sorts who have people around them but these people are not ‘available’. Women often report their spouses are too busy/working away or too tired to do much things as a couple (besides him wanting sex which doesn’t count for most of my patients). When I ask the men where they go when they want to talk to someone, the usual reply is ‘no one’. Studies show that men who have two close male friends live longer. I see the correlation.
This hits a sore spot for I too am a displaced person, in a strange new land, with no local network. My friends are scattered throughout the nation. For distraction, I have a lot of work to do, and there is house maintenance and hobbies to keep me busy as I want to be. But at times – especially at night – it all breaks down. It would be nice to have someone close by, someone with whom to do mawkish things like make a new dish for dinner or go hiking.
So, I take up my own advice that I daily dispense to the lonely – join some groups and socials and therein you may inadvertently stumble on some new chums. I joined a men’s club and the church bell choir. Both meet on Wednesday nights. My only two social outlets and they want the same spot!
So far I haven’t had much luck making new friends. Like my attempts at gardening, I can’t get much to grow. Joining the local bell choir is a big disappointment. Some friends of friends over as supper invite haven’t reciprocated or called back. No word yet on the men’s group, but a weekend long party/fundraiser dinner is coming up.
So like a lonesome cowboy in the desert, I’ll keep trekking, hoping to stumble across some oasis of friendly sounding people.
I now live in Arizona where the majority of people seem to come from somewhere else. Lots of patients feel ‘cut off’ and ‘new’ and don’t know anyone. Their family, friends etc are back east or in California or Mexico. They don’t have any idea how to alleviate their loneliness. Then there are the lonely sorts who have people around them but these people are not ‘available’. Women often report their spouses are too busy/working away or too tired to do much things as a couple (besides him wanting sex which doesn’t count for most of my patients). When I ask the men where they go when they want to talk to someone, the usual reply is ‘no one’. Studies show that men who have two close male friends live longer. I see the correlation.
This hits a sore spot for I too am a displaced person, in a strange new land, with no local network. My friends are scattered throughout the nation. For distraction, I have a lot of work to do, and there is house maintenance and hobbies to keep me busy as I want to be. But at times – especially at night – it all breaks down. It would be nice to have someone close by, someone with whom to do mawkish things like make a new dish for dinner or go hiking.
So, I take up my own advice that I daily dispense to the lonely – join some groups and socials and therein you may inadvertently stumble on some new chums. I joined a men’s club and the church bell choir. Both meet on Wednesday nights. My only two social outlets and they want the same spot!
So far I haven’t had much luck making new friends. Like my attempts at gardening, I can’t get much to grow. Joining the local bell choir is a big disappointment. Some friends of friends over as supper invite haven’t reciprocated or called back. No word yet on the men’s group, but a weekend long party/fundraiser dinner is coming up.
So like a lonesome cowboy in the desert, I’ll keep trekking, hoping to stumble across some oasis of friendly sounding people.
posted by Ur-spo at 8:41 AM
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