How Does That Make You Feel?
It's time for "How Does That Make You Feel?"
My famiy’s name begins with “R” but to avoid embarrassing them I will call us the name “Ralph”.
In my family of "Ralph", a “Ralph” prize is a gift that the receiver hopes/expects to use his or herself. The recipient may not need/want it at all – let alone think about getting one.
An example of this:
Some years ago I lived in Chicago. My father came for a weekend visit. One Saturday morning I heard him banging away downstairs in the kitchen, trying to find something. He called up that he can’t find my coffee machine or any coffee – where is it located?
I explained – again – that I don’t drink coffee, so I don’t have either. I have plenty of tea.
He said no thank you, and went down to Dunkin Donuts for get his coffee.
That Christmas, he gave me a Mr. Coffee machine.
Receiving an “Ralph” prize.
How does that make you feel?
My famiy’s name begins with “R” but to avoid embarrassing them I will call us the name “Ralph”.
In my family of "Ralph", a “Ralph” prize is a gift that the receiver hopes/expects to use his or herself. The recipient may not need/want it at all – let alone think about getting one.
An example of this:
Some years ago I lived in Chicago. My father came for a weekend visit. One Saturday morning I heard him banging away downstairs in the kitchen, trying to find something. He called up that he can’t find my coffee machine or any coffee – where is it located?
I explained – again – that I don’t drink coffee, so I don’t have either. I have plenty of tea.
He said no thank you, and went down to Dunkin Donuts for get his coffee.
That Christmas, he gave me a Mr. Coffee machine.
Receiving an “Ralph” prize.
How does that make you feel?
posted by Ur-spo at 6:01 AM
25 Comments:
In my family, I guess it would be a "Kalph" prize?
Um...my mom is good at giving those out - "you need this" translates into "I need this when I'm at your house"...
I would probably be a bit pissed. But then I would try to be thankful realizing the person was trying to be thoughtful. I would assume that in the person's mind, giving a coffee machine was a great idea.
I have a niece who opened a present and stated, "This is stupid." (She was in her twentys and should have known better.) But whether we say it in words or in our actions, we need to be sure we value the "Prize" and be appreciative. The person didn't need to give us anything.
Gee, I didn't know we were THAT related! LOL! We have the same kind of gifts in our family. A closely related gift is the one that you are given and have no use or need for, given with the explanation that "I did not know what to get you so I got you this."
I think that it may be thoughtful on the giver's part. Your father saw something you didn't have and bought it.
I also think that he may have thought it will help future guests who may drink coffee and now you'll be able to serve it to them.
I thought my family was the only one that did that - what I usually do is leave it in the box until they come back and want to use it - then I give it to them in the box so they can use it...
A coffee maker is something he could have gone out and bought and just given to you when he was there - giving it at Christmas is like a parent trying to make a point - gee, am I a little over sensitive on this point?
"Dad, what part of 'I don't drink coffee' didn't you understand?"
But then again, saying something like this would hurt his feelings and ruin Christmas.
So I would just graciously accept it and thank him. Then regift the following year.
My sister gave me a "Ralph Prize" for Christmas a few years ago.
A set of four sushi "condiment" plates. Period. Not even a full set of sushi dinnerware.
And did I mention that I'm Vegetarian?
I hate Ralph presents!
OMG he seriously gave you a coffee maker after you told him you don't drink coffee?
(btw how can one survive without coffee?)
i like ralph gifts... usually ther user has to be present to use such gift... and having them in my presense is a gift in itself.
i too an a tea drinker... i love earl grey and darjeeling
Spo,
You should really comment on the "Philip" prize, in which a member of the "Ralph" household goes out and buys his own present ahead of the season before anyone else can get it for him! It hasn't lead to patricide yet...
Bhagwan Bill
Brother Bhagwan Bill has a point - father's tendency to give out suggestions - only to buy them a week later himself - has been driving his kids nuts for decades.
That makes me feel like laughing.
I like your Dad, he knows what he likes and goes for it.
PS Only a parent could get away with that though.
I could probably appreciate the gift if it was some kind of appliance I could use to make food for my friends. On the other hand, there's very little food I don't like, so anything l was given like thet I could probably use for myself.
Thats cruel but in a very creative, dry humor kind of way.
Cheers to receiving a "Ralph" prize!
Now is there anything off limits to give as a prize?
If this were a friend I'd be offended.
If it were my father...I'd laugh and be sure to use it when he next visits. Of course I have a coffee maker I use only when coffee drinkers are present such as family or when I have dinner parties.
BTW...re: your profile. Are you getting shorter?
no rodger, you are getting larger
My ralph prize was white bath towels. My parents have never been able to buy what I want/need so they began asking me for specific things. One year I ask for white bath towels on the list. I got them and they were perfect. The ralph part was that I continued to get white bath towels for the next four years from my parents AND other family members. I soon had about 15 of them. And how many towels does a single man really need. They have done this several times over the years with different items. I have learned to say, this is what I want, but only for this year.
If the gift is to serve someone else other than me, then I don't consider it a gift. I just look at my place as a temporary housing facility for the item.
I never got them from my mom, but I got lots from my dad. The year before I moved out he asked me what I wanted, I told him since I'm moving I want to get a specific set of pots and pans.
He got me a set that was on special at a discount store telling me the ones I wanted were too expensive.
Right after me, my aunt opens her gift, and she got the pans I wanted from my cousin who was a paperboy at the time.
After about 6 months, I was tired of stuff sticking and burning, they even changed color because of the heat, I went and got myself the pots and pans I wanted.
If he asks me what I want, he should get what I want. If it's too expensive, move on to the next item on the list.
His saying is "in the mean time" what is it with in the mean time?
I know what I want, and I'll go get it when I have the money. In the mean time, I'll wait. Why waste money buying something in the mean time.
And the pots were not that expensive.
Hmmmmm - the following XMAS you could've gotten him a gift certificate for a nice hotel in the Chicago area LOL. Just kidding. I can't say a family member has ever done this to me. I'm very outspoken and would have vocalized something about it! Probably something like, "I heard you can make some great tea with a coffee-maker" or "Why don't you keep this Dad, bring it with you the next time you visit." or if you really wanted to be diplomatic "awwww Dad, how sweet of you - planning ahead for your next visit - you must really miss me"
But I haven't really answered your question as to how it would make me feel. I think it would make me feel undervalued.
Someone's present for next year?
I like the Ralph present much better than the Phillip present. The latter is too frustrating- the hope of being able to tock one more item off of the holiday to-do list is offered, anly to be cruelly snatched away at the last moment.
Once upon a time, it would have angered me. Now it depends on the quality of the relationship between myslf and the gifter. There's really two kinds of "Ralph" gift. One sort is a gift in name only, and it's manipulative and abusing. The other sort is a statement of relationship,and the two way flow of energy and love that characterizes genuine relating.
Of the two varieties of Ralph" gift, I much prefer the second.
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