Chief Complaints
The “Chief Complaint’ is opening statement or matter the patient first says to the doctor. Examples < ‘I have a cough” or “I have a rash” or ‘I don’t feel good”.
As a shrink, I sometimes hear ‘I am depressed” or “I am anxious” or “I think I have ADD” and sometimes “Give me Valium”.
Here are my favorites gathered this week <
“My previous doctor is in jail and I need a new one” (turns out this is true)
“My brain hurts”
‘I look as bad as I feel” (also true)
“I would like to tell you what is wrong with me through the means of interpretive dance” (this was declined)
“I committed suicide three times last month.”
“My wife is a sneak. I read her journal and discovered she is having an affair”
“God, you’re cute, can I kiss you?” (also declined)
“I’m here for that happy pill they always talk about on TV”
“Can you tell me why I am here?”
“Oh, you are a psychiatrist! I didn’t know what the hell my wife was sending me for”.
“I have manic depressive panic agoraphobia depressive schizophrenia”
And
”Well, if you can get me happy I might pay you”
As a shrink, I sometimes hear ‘I am depressed” or “I am anxious” or “I think I have ADD” and sometimes “Give me Valium”.
Here are my favorites gathered this week <
“My previous doctor is in jail and I need a new one” (turns out this is true)
“My brain hurts”
‘I look as bad as I feel” (also true)
“I would like to tell you what is wrong with me through the means of interpretive dance” (this was declined)
“I committed suicide three times last month.”
“My wife is a sneak. I read her journal and discovered she is having an affair”
“God, you’re cute, can I kiss you?” (also declined)
“I’m here for that happy pill they always talk about on TV”
“Can you tell me why I am here?”
“Oh, you are a psychiatrist! I didn’t know what the hell my wife was sending me for”.
“I have manic depressive panic agoraphobia depressive schizophrenia”
And
”Well, if you can get me happy I might pay you”
posted by Ur-spo at 11:36 AM
8 Comments:
Sorry, I forgot to log in as myself for the previous comment.
How's that for a Chief Complaint?
ohoh
a patient with one of them ther split personalities!
Yeah...the BF changed the log in on my laptop.
But if multiple personality disorder qualifies me for valium...disregard the previous sentence.
Hey!
I have Anxious panic agoraphobia!?
Can I get that happy pill?!
BTW you are cute, can "I" kiss you?!
lol
No I'm not goin' anywhere. Just wanted to say thanks.
So thanks!?
Have fun!?
J
PS please give me an e-mail add. so I can write you.
I can only imagine some of the stuff you hear. And, I bet the requests for the 'happy pill' is quite popular. Thanks for the link, by the way. I did the same.
My all-time favorite chief complaint at a first session was "They told me I have sizzle-frantic personality disorder."
Where do I sign up. I'd do anything for a happy pill. And if they talk about it on TV it must be the real deal.
My brain hurts, give me valium!
Oh, that made me feel SO much better about my own therapy, thanks for that!
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