A Feeling MEME
I composed a MEME.
The most joyful I have ever felt;
My first ‘sleep over’ occurred in college with my friend Dale. I was so excited/wound up I made quite a bungle of it. The next morning, he woke me by putting on a record of Jessye Norman singing Strauss’ Four Last Songs. Hearing this lovely song by this incredible woman at this ‘wake up’ time of my life; it wasn’t euphoria but a sense of bliss. My future was ahead of me. It was open. Anything could happen.
The most angry I’ve ever felt;
In the later 90s a female staff member at a hospital where I was working was a loose cannon. State Hospitals being what they were, it was impossible to be rid of her. However she started sending me notes and letters. This written evidence was enough to get her sacked. Afterwards she filed a complaint with the medical board, accusing me of sexual harassment of all things. I had to defend this. It took months to clear, and I still have to ‘explain’ this in every new job/form. So even though I was cleared her damage still haunts me. During this process I never felt such hatred at another person.
The most at peace I’ve ever felt;
In the mid 90s I felt like a glass bottle of evil, afloat in a sea of badness. I was asked if I was suicidal and I was most certainly not, for it I broke the container I would merge and be lost. I felt rejected by God, although he had not forgotten me. I was lost. It was never suggested that I was clinically depressed or nuts. I know all about depression and it is different than being in Hell.
It passed. I went through RCIA and rejoined Church (that is a story in itself). One day I knew that I was no longer alone. I didn’t have a sense of joy or ecstasy; rather a sense of comfort. It was like my desert was filling with water from a deep far away stream.
Never before or since then I have been that aware of the existence of God in that way but once in a lifetime is sufficient.
The most shocked I have ever felt;
At six years old, I was drawing pictures of some boys. As I drew I suddenly realized the contents were exciting to me. The penny dropped. There, without ‘thinking’ about it; I realized I different. My world crashed. I knew I had gone through some one way door and there was no turning back; there was no one to turn to to explain what had happened. It would take 20 years to come to grips with it.
The most embarrassed I have ever felt;
Being caught with my trousers down doesn't faze me. I suppose the most embarrassment was at my piano recital in grade school. I did not want to go on or perform. I played my piece in the teacher’s living room, surrounded by parents, family, and strangers. After our piece we were supposed to go back downstairs to the basement, the designated ‘green room’. After I played, I opened the door, walked in and found myself shut in the front hall closet. I heard everyone laughing at the mistake. They found it funny but I was ready to stay in there until puberty was over. A parent tried to open the door; I held the knob; we struggled; I eventually got out and bolted down the basement stairs. This doesn’t sound like anything now, but at 8 years old it was the end of the world.
The most sad I have ever felt;
As it remains vivid in my memory, it must be when my childhood dog, Hans the Schnauzer was run over. We took him to the vet, but it was too late. My grandfather proposed we bury him in the back yard. I can still remember choking back tears as I leaned over his dead body to kiss him farewell, wrapped in a blanket, before my father and uncle put him in the hole. It makes me teary still just to write it now.
The most frightened I have ever felt;
Ah, that one will have to wait. I am not brave enough to talk about that one yet.
A close 2nd is that same ‘sexual harassment’ woman showing up later on at a public lecture I was giving. I thought she was coming to shoot me, given she had ‘lost’ her case. She merely made me uncomfortable with her endless questions/asides – it ruined the lecture but I wasn’t killed.
So, that’s the ‘feeling’ MEME.
I don’t ‘tag’ anyone to do it, as it seems a lot to ask of somebody.
However, if you would like to do so, I would touched and promise to read yours.
The most joyful I have ever felt;
My first ‘sleep over’ occurred in college with my friend Dale. I was so excited/wound up I made quite a bungle of it. The next morning, he woke me by putting on a record of Jessye Norman singing Strauss’ Four Last Songs. Hearing this lovely song by this incredible woman at this ‘wake up’ time of my life; it wasn’t euphoria but a sense of bliss. My future was ahead of me. It was open. Anything could happen.
The most angry I’ve ever felt;
In the later 90s a female staff member at a hospital where I was working was a loose cannon. State Hospitals being what they were, it was impossible to be rid of her. However she started sending me notes and letters. This written evidence was enough to get her sacked. Afterwards she filed a complaint with the medical board, accusing me of sexual harassment of all things. I had to defend this. It took months to clear, and I still have to ‘explain’ this in every new job/form. So even though I was cleared her damage still haunts me. During this process I never felt such hatred at another person.
The most at peace I’ve ever felt;
In the mid 90s I felt like a glass bottle of evil, afloat in a sea of badness. I was asked if I was suicidal and I was most certainly not, for it I broke the container I would merge and be lost. I felt rejected by God, although he had not forgotten me. I was lost. It was never suggested that I was clinically depressed or nuts. I know all about depression and it is different than being in Hell.
It passed. I went through RCIA and rejoined Church (that is a story in itself). One day I knew that I was no longer alone. I didn’t have a sense of joy or ecstasy; rather a sense of comfort. It was like my desert was filling with water from a deep far away stream.
Never before or since then I have been that aware of the existence of God in that way but once in a lifetime is sufficient.
The most shocked I have ever felt;
At six years old, I was drawing pictures of some boys. As I drew I suddenly realized the contents were exciting to me. The penny dropped. There, without ‘thinking’ about it; I realized I different. My world crashed. I knew I had gone through some one way door and there was no turning back; there was no one to turn to to explain what had happened. It would take 20 years to come to grips with it.
The most embarrassed I have ever felt;
Being caught with my trousers down doesn't faze me. I suppose the most embarrassment was at my piano recital in grade school. I did not want to go on or perform. I played my piece in the teacher’s living room, surrounded by parents, family, and strangers. After our piece we were supposed to go back downstairs to the basement, the designated ‘green room’. After I played, I opened the door, walked in and found myself shut in the front hall closet. I heard everyone laughing at the mistake. They found it funny but I was ready to stay in there until puberty was over. A parent tried to open the door; I held the knob; we struggled; I eventually got out and bolted down the basement stairs. This doesn’t sound like anything now, but at 8 years old it was the end of the world.
The most sad I have ever felt;
As it remains vivid in my memory, it must be when my childhood dog, Hans the Schnauzer was run over. We took him to the vet, but it was too late. My grandfather proposed we bury him in the back yard. I can still remember choking back tears as I leaned over his dead body to kiss him farewell, wrapped in a blanket, before my father and uncle put him in the hole. It makes me teary still just to write it now.
The most frightened I have ever felt;
Ah, that one will have to wait. I am not brave enough to talk about that one yet.
A close 2nd is that same ‘sexual harassment’ woman showing up later on at a public lecture I was giving. I thought she was coming to shoot me, given she had ‘lost’ her case. She merely made me uncomfortable with her endless questions/asides – it ruined the lecture but I wasn’t killed.
So, that’s the ‘feeling’ MEME.
I don’t ‘tag’ anyone to do it, as it seems a lot to ask of somebody.
However, if you would like to do so, I would touched and promise to read yours.
posted by Ur-spo at 1:00 PM
13 Comments:
Great meme..and I almost cried, too, reading about your dog.
You've only had one peak moment for each of these feelings? I would have to sort through dozens of experiences in a vain attempt to sort out my biggest humiliation, for instance. Maybe I go into the red zone on each feeling too easily, huh?
I'll give it a shot soon!?
J
loved your most joyful.
As a good counselor does, thanks for bringing up all of the crap in my closet LOL...thanks for giving me something to write about tonight :)
Wow! Very honest and open post. I may try it - after I take a long deep breath.
...and unlike dannation, I DID cry when I read about the dog. It reminded me of... o crap, you'll probably read about it when I answer the questions.
powerful meme
Very good, I have just completed mine and it really makes you think !!!!
I am going to play - what a wonderful meme' - thanks for sharing so much with us...
"I felt like a glass bottle of evil, afloat in a sea of badness..." Wow.
This was by far the most personal and intimate meme I've encountered, and certainly the way you answered it.
Ok, I bit the bullet and did the feeling meme. So much for keeping my blog to the more technical end of things....
I really want to do this, it will appear on my blog at some point, when I'm back to normal again, things are a little crazy, hopefully not literally, right now.
That is the most intimate meme I've ever come across. I'm going to try and be honest and brave enough to do it myself.
Post a Comment
<< Home