Bad Gnome
Mr. Gnome was christened “James Evelyn Hoffman”.
James, as he looks much like my friend and colleague James.
Hoffman is the last name of all the mechanical devices in the backyard, including the pool vacuum (I kid you not).
Evelyn is a run-on joke from “The Ritz”. (See the movie).
With that said, JEH has been confined to the backyard. He has gotten off on the wrong foot. I won’t go into sordid details but we caught him and Pan at poolside , doing something loud and disgraceful.
JEH blamed Pan.
Nearby was the empty bottle of valium.
So I set up JEH in a detox programme. He stands across the pool from Pan and they are told to behave and keep to themselves.
Being a displaced Canadian, JEH is not familiar with the Arizona sunshine, he is donning sunglasses (also to hide the blood-shot pupils).
Such scandal!
There goes our good neighborhood reputation……..
posted by Ur-spo at 6:17 AM
18 Comments:
I knew he just wouldn't behave himself! I knew it! I just knew it!
...and you just mark my words! Pretty soon he'll be breeding! Or recruiting and "converting" other garden figurines to his disgusting and perverted ways. You mark my words!
There is going to be trouble, yea I said trouble, right there by your pool... with a capital "T" and that rhymes with "P" and that is right by your pool...
See - he is already wearing shades to look cool and to try to pick up other unsuspecting prey... I sure hope you have some savy squirrels in your neighborhood...
I was just trying to picture what a cross between a Pan and a Gnome would be. But then again, they are both male so... OH NO! LEMUEL IS RIGHT! Quick, throw them both in the pool and maybe you can save their eternal souls!
Let's hope he doesn't sneak away and pull an Amélie on you....
Don't forget sun block!?
And if PAN weren't so EASY...!?
lol
Gah! and I was so looking forward to winning that years supply of Valium, not for me of course, I just know a few people around here who could use some slipped into their morning coffee.
Now, if the loud and inappropriate was them trying to kill one another than by all means, seperate them, but if it was the naughty type, I say who are we to stand between true lust?
Don't say I didn't warn you about his reputation. He sold those valium and you better lock up any other prescription medication you have lying around. He's a tricky one that fella.
"There goes our good neighborhood reputation…….."
Flying out the window...unless of course, you live immediately behind a gay leather bar. In that case, JEH is just trying to fit in with the neighborhood. Have you really checked his references all that closely?
LOL.
That's too cute!! I love gnomes.
That's hysterical! See, he should have been a cookie jar! I told you :)
Cool Glasses! Take advantage of the reputation and have a Bear Pool Party!
The neighbors will forget it all by spring.
OMG that was great!
This gnome is up to no good. You be careful. Before you know it, he'll convince you to take part in his evil ways. And we wouldn't want you to get into trouble now? Would we?
I think that gnome may have a life of his own after hours. I'd lock up the liquor before bedtime.
All I can say is keep the pets locked away!
LMAO
I can't believe you didn't go with "Smirking Leprosy." That was CLEARLY the best choice.
I think it's perfect, suits him well.
Now can you have a contest for xanex next.
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