How Does That Make You Feel?
It is How Does That Make You Feel? Thursday.
(well, it is Thursday on the East Coast) .
For the new folks visiting the Land of Spo, every Thursday I describe a vignette to see how that makes you feel.
Sometimes aliens get in on the act, but they are out of town this week.
This isn’t zany or funny, but it haunts me. I thought if I wrote it out I could exorcise it from my memory……
You are six years old
You are at the ice cream parlor.
Nearby is a young girl, in a very smart pink dress; she is dressed up for something. She just came from church or a wedding perhaps.
Her parents give her a chocolate ice cream cone. After 3 licks the ball of ice cream comes right off and runs down her dress.
Her initial expression of joy and pleasure turn first to shock then to sorrow and she starts to cry – but this is quickly cut off as a man (no doubt her father) runs up and starts shouting at her. In a loud voice for all nearby to hear he tells her she is stupid, a bad girl, and she’s ruined her dress and this will be the “last time” (for ice cream? An outing? A new dress?).
She then starts to really bawl.
I remember being very confused at this. She had an accident, so why was this man shouting at her so?
At 44 it makes me mad to recall it.
How does that make you feel?
posted by Ur-spo at 10:56 PM
20 Comments:
A. It sounds like my dad
B. Even if it were not my dad, I would have felt as if I were the little girl I were watching, that I had been a bad boy and that I was the one being yelled at.
We have neighbors whose parenting skills are at this level or below as a result their children are a "self-fulfilled prophecy". I think their behavior problems are diectly related to the bad behavior of their parents.
Isn't it curious, how incidents like this haunt you well into your adult life?!
Like Lemuel, sounds just like my Dad. Makes me want to bitch slap the bastard and go hug the little girl and tell her that it will be ok...
Little did you realize it at the time, but you were seeing a future patient in the making.
At one point when I was a child, my dad told me I couldn't do anything right. That haunted me through college, prevented me from going to med school, and still haunts me today.
What is interesting, not only did this man make an impression on his little girl, he also made an impression on you. We don't exist in a vacuum.
First time here, and I can already tell what kind of heart you have! I am now a fan.
I would smile slyly at her at her, relishing the fact that the little minx outdid me in the fashion stakes and now her dress is ruined! Does that make me a bad person?
Crushed. I feel crushed. I hate to see kids get yelled at anywhere. My family and I were out one day and we were at this cave and across the water this man was swimming with kids. They were jumping from a tree branch into the water. And he was yelling at one kid and swearing, because he was scared. It was awful, I hoped the guy would drown.
(Thanks for visiting M!)
Wow! That gave me a very strong visceral reaction! I’ll give both reactions I had, as a six year old and an adult, because I think the two totally different reactions are quite interesting.
1. At seeing the ice cream fall off the cone I felt bad for the girl, it’s always a shame to see a perfectly good frock ruined! Both as an adult and as a kid.
2. When that son-of-a-bitch, don’t have the balls enough to have any compassion, should have had child services called on his ass bastard yelled at his daughter I was terrified! As a kid, I would have been scared that I was next, that having ice cream is bad and I’d probably want to leave right then and there, or at least hide beneath my parents leg. As an adult, I would be scared that his angry yelling was just the beginning, as it unfortunately often is.
3. As an adult only I had the reaction of becoming LIVID! How dare anyone talk to such a small child in such a way! Especially when it’s obviously an accident and she’s upset already! I seriously wanted to take that guy out behind the parlor and open a can of whoop-ass on him.
From my experience in the daycare I worked in, when I’ve seen this happen it’s got nothing to do with the kid, it’s about the parent’s angry feelings about being a parent, they feel trapped and angry about having to deal with being a parent, so they take it out on their kid, those people (I’ve seen mothers do it to!) give breeders a bad name!
That man reminds me of my parents. My parents were more concerned over 1.) my publicly embarassing them and/or 2.) my publicly embarassing myself, hence the scolding. Never concerned over my feelings, i.e. crying over the ice cream, or at the situation at hand.
am I a bad person because I thought:
oh no, chocolate ice cream wasted!!!!
My father did that kind of thing to me on a daily basis, and worse. So...it pissed me off! Educate, don't berate.
Sounds like most of us had the same father. Funny part is mine now looks up to me...but it's been a journey.
I would be furious if I saw this happen and would probably tell the father how to treat the stain and ask the girl if she'd like a new ice cream. It would calm him and her both and not be the confrontational move I'd really like to take.
Oaky...so I'm a bit aggressive sometimes.
I've seen something similar to this happen, and I said, "HEY BUDDY, do you really think he wanted to do that?" It was a 2-3 year old boy who couldn't keep up with the steps of his "dad". He tripped, while holding his dad's hand and he kept dragging him, and then YANKED him up and spanked him. The kid was freaked. I then followed it up with "why don't you take smaller steps instead of expecting him to keep up with your bigger steps." I WAS SO MAD. The guy didn't say a thing to me and I felt better for saying something. He slowed down and walked away, I'm sure he was ashamed for being called out, but I think this is part of "it takes a village to raise a child"...sometimes the villagers don't know what they're doing!
Oh, and I didn't have that kind of dad at all...he was a great man. Very patient and loving, now HE had that kind of father.
Just wanted to let you know this post has haunted me all day - I know how that little girl feels - from memories of the past and memories of last week... to be upset yourself then have someone compound the pain...
A moment of happiness ruined two times over - your image and self-esteem trampled by someone you thought loved you... and yet you are back the next day trying your damndest to gain that love and attention and affection...
I think we need to go to my idea of a professional child rearing system and take kids away from the people that hurt them the most - their parents...
Why are people like that given the gift of children, while others who deserve to have children aren't?
well, this one hit a nerve!
Thanks all for your thoughts and comments.
Next week's shall be on the lighter side, I am already getting pages from the aliens....
This would be a golden opportunity for me. I'd stride over and say, "You'd better believe this is the "last time," Chumly. Last time you'll verablly assault a child in front of a social worker." Then I'd watch with glee as the blood drained out of his face.
"Care to rephrase that for your daughter, Chumly? You seem to have upset her."
I'm not one of these phreaks who thinks every harsh word to a child is a crime against nature, but I've always wanted to scare the bejesus out of someone that way.
"Get me another or I'll tell mommy that you touch me in my special place!"
Drastic. Oui...but I take a 'no hostages' stance between me and a cone of good ice cream.
Well, I have to admit that at first I thought it was funny. I love being witness to things like chocolate ice cream dripping onto a new pink dress. I also love when I see someone trip on the sidewalk, as long as they don't get hurt. I know, it sounds terrible. But then the dad thing. Honestly, even when I was six, I would have gone over to the girl and told her it didn't matter. Now, as a parent, I'm certain I would at least go over and give him a harsh look and give some laundry advice. I wish I could say I'd go over and explain why what he was doing was ricockulous, but I probably wouldn't. I hate when I see parents care more about things then their child. It makes me wonder if/how the cycle of abuse will ever be broken in our society.
Sorry for rambling... I like this blog.
it makes me feel like throwing my ice cream all over him. I always feel for the children. Sometimes the adults in our lives just don't get it, makes me want to bring back my adult self and say something to the mean daddy.
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